Practical, Faith-Centered Guidance For Parents Navigating The Challenge Of Choosing A Healthy Church Community
Is it supposed to be this awkward and difficult to find a church?
That question sprinted laps around my head as my wife, Olivia, and I took our twins on tour, searching for a church for our family. As new parents of twins, streaming services seemed increasingly more attractive after each new church we visited. But I knew God called me to lead my family according to His ways, and getting involved with a church community is important to Him.
We’d just moved to a new city, and we started off excited to get plugged in and find a church community.
After all, we’d witnessed the beautiful power of being surrounded by a community of Jesus-loving people when we got married as a young couple. The early days of our marriage and parenthood were saturated with the need for resources, especially when it came to living a godly marriage. Our church family poured into every need. Even some of our earliest memories of learning about Jesus are embedded within experiences at our church. But being a part of a local church is not just a box to check or a matter of convenience.
God designed humans to gather in community. The local church serves a pivotal part of His biblical blueprint for our life to be good and provides an opportunity for love-motivated obedience to God in not neglecting to meet together (Hebrews 10:24-25).
To us, the local church is an extension of God’s family on Earth. Just as we are adopted into His family through faith in Christ, we are also adopted into a community of believers when we join a local church.
While leading my family to find a church, I thought to myself, Aren’t all churches one body of Christ anyway? So, shouldn’t we be good with any church? Let’s just go to this church across the street and call it a day.
After asking some mentors this question, they revealed that not just any church will do. The Bible teaches us to be discerning and wise in our choices, especially when it comes to matters of faith and spiritual growth.
I learned a few tips along the way.
I recommend starting by identifying your non-negotiables, considering what is needed for each family member. As a young couple with young kids, our list included:
- – Strong biblical teaching: solid, uncompromised and relatable preaching that equips us and our kids with a deeper understanding of the Bible and its application to daily life.
- – Nursery and childcare: having a safe and well-staffed nursery or childcare during services or events to fully participate without worrying about our little ones.
- – Community and friendship: opportunities for us to connect with other parents, form friendships and share experiences through the joys and struggles of parenthood.
We found the “What We Believe” statement for each church we visited. Olivia and I not only looked for what the statement said, but we also looked for what it didn’t say.
We also looked at the leadership page to see if there was a shared leadership model by a plurality of elders.
If we liked the church, but something was off to us about their structure or beliefs, we made a point to ask one of the leaders before completely declining the opportunity to join.
A mentor also advised me to send an email to the pastor to introduce myself and invite them to lunch. This helped me gauge how well my family’s values and expectations aligned with the church’s vision and beliefs, and it helped determine if the church was a good fit for my family.
Recognizing the value of the partnership we share as husband and wife and allowing that partnership to extend to all aspects of your life, including spiritual matters, allows us to experience beauty every day at a church we chose together. Only God can design oneness that way, but I’m not the only one who testifies to that.
As you search for a church, embrace that the journey will be imperfect and hard, but prioritize the foundational aspects of compassionate faith as you guide your family to seek a community that is actively growing and serving. Remember that while nothing is perfect, God can work powerfully through imperfect vessels to bring about His purposes and transform lives.
Ashford Sonii is the next-generation pastor for Cape Carteret Baptist Church and a contributing writer for FamilyLife. He enjoys ministry, learning, and communicating practical life applications of God’s Word within marriage, family, and how to walk with Jesus. Ashford and his wife, Olivia, currently live in North Carolina with their twin girls, Ivey and Oakley.
