Honesty they say is half the battle when it comes to addiction. For King and Country frontman Luke Smallbone’s wife, confessing her battle with addiction to painkillers was the first step towards getting help and finding grace in a whole new way. 7 months pregnant and turning to painkillers to help with morning sickness and the pains of pregnancy, Courtney found herself addicted to the anti-nausea meds and needing help.
“I started having post-traumatic stress, I didn’t want to talk about how I was having panic attacks and nightmares,” Courtney told CBN.
“I had horrible morning sickness so they gave me a prescription for it. It was interesting because when I took it I calmed down. So I would keep taking it in high doses. At this time I didn’t even share this addiction with Luke.”
Realizing how the medicine helped her feel better, Courtney began increasing the doses and found herself in a battle to live without it. “I can’t get off this pill like I am not ok,” she recalled. “I had just shoved it all down, pain, trauma, anxiety, fear, all of it came out that day.”
Courtney shared it was at this point she reached out for help. Her husband Luke flew home from a show in Texas and realized she needed help
“I remember walking in (to the psych clinic) and silently praying and saying, ‘God you have to show up because I am not ok.’It was in this place that my shame started unraveling and I received grace in a whole new way.“
“I started getting in the word and realized I can’t add to what Jesus has done for me and I can’t take it away by anything bad that I’ve done.”
Luke later related the story of how this experience with his wife’s addiction led him and his brother to wrote the song, Burn the Ships, about letting go of the past to move forward in what God has for you in the next season. “For so many people it’s difficult to move on from their past, for those people I say go and do whatever you can to burn the ships.”
For Courtney Smallbone, she concluded that there is hope for those struggling and help is available. Her faith saw her through this storm and Jesus can help others going through addiction and depression if we reach out for help.
“My mind isn’t surrounded by anxiety and fear. I used to feel like the victim of life, I didn’t know what to do. My life now is when hard things come and pain happens. I know God is Healer and nothing is impossible for him.”